Personal Life:
- After nearly two weeks of struggle, the test results finally turned negative. However, it is clear that my body functions have not fully recovered. The biggest impact is on my heart. I can no longer stay up late at all. If I stay awake past 1 am, my heart will sound the alarm. Several times, I felt like I was on the verge of sudden death. Even if I didn't intentionally stay up late, I still experience this when I wake up in the middle of the night. I plan to have my heart checked again when I have time. In addition, my hands and feet have become excessively sweaty. I don't know if it's related to my heart, but it's very uncomfortable. I feel completely drained.
- The good thing is that my appetite has been good these days. I also have a good appetite. I haven't slept past 9 am. I usually wake up naturally around 8 am, sometimes even before 7 am. After getting up, I go across the street to have breakfast and then go downstairs to enjoy the natural breeze. It really puts me in a good mood.
- I have developed a liking for shopping. Shopping is tiring, but it feels great. Maybe it's because the beautiful clothes in the mall make me happy. Lately, I have had a strong desire to consume, almost like revenge consumption. I release my dissatisfaction with life through shopping. It may also be the release of pent-up shopping desires. However, today, when I talked to a friend about consumerism, we discussed how people work to earn money because of their desire to consume, rather than having the desire to consume only after earning money. The cost of desire lies in how strong the desire is.
- Working with people whose values don't align with mine makes me feel disgusted and seriously affects my mental health. My tolerance has not increased with age. On the contrary, the older I get, the more I dislike those who are hypocritical. I can't stand working with such people or groups. It is painful for me.
Academic Life:
- Today, I had a conversation with a friend I haven't been in contact with for a long time. He said he refused to be a capitalist lackey, so now he is living off his parents. He is not a person with consumer desires, but he is willing to invest in his own education. He went from being a programmer to a community manager, and then to a waiter at Hai Di Lao. The range of his experiences is astonishing. I didn't delve into the reasons why he didn't continue working, but he resigned because he couldn't agree with the company's inconsistent values. I can understand that and it made me think about my current situation.
- If in the past, I was on the path of becoming a refined and self-centered petite bourgeoisie, now I have completely different thoughts. Now, I hope to do things that can help others and have long-term value to society. This is a difficult thing to do, but I hope I can help as many people as possible. If I can't, I also hope not to harm others.
Summary:
Lately, I have had less personal study time. One reason is that I have been sick, and another reason is that I have been working on an urgent project and have been working overtime on weekends. I hope to adjust my state and learn new knowledge as much as possible.